Not-so deep thoughts on modern life...and waste.

So I am currently watching The Bletchley Circle.  I like those period British type dramas.  And in some ways, Egypt in the eighties was reminiscent of Britain or the States in the fifties...  

One thing that strikes me very much is the lack of plastic.  I keep working at cutting down my plastic usage.  We used to hoard ziplock bags when I was growing up, we'd bring them over from the states.  

I try to use glass or ceramic (or metal) in the fridge.  But it's hard.  Everything these days has plastic components.  And they don't make the old refrigerator glass anymore.   

But you watch these old shows, or read the books of the time, and I feel we've lost something.  A, not frugality, but a lasting ness.  I am not one for nostalgia over Walkmen or cassettes, or MTV.  But I am a little nostalgic for drinking fountains, pay phones, being able to be unconnected (as I type this on my iPad).  There was a certain bliss to going to the library and having the stacks and stacks of books to do research in.  

Don't get me wrong, I love being able to google something on my phone, or tune in the Proms or the Opera online.   

But there is a certain satisfaction in the old, too.  

And if we brought back drinking fountains, we could get rid of all the plastic bottles...

How to save California... (in other words, it is up to us)

So, California has one year of water left.  ONE YEAR.  

And we are all partially responsible.  And there are things we can do to save California.

1) Stop drinking bottled water and soda.  A lot of bottled water and soda is actually made with California water.  I suspect some of these nut milks are also manufactured in California, with California water.  There may be a local soda maker near you, check.  Or figure out how to make some beverages at home...

2) buy almonds which are not from California.   Almond trees use a huge amount of water, and need a consistent supply.  California produces the majority of the world's harvest of almonds.

3) stop.  Look at your produce.   Is your kale from California?  Your beets?  Your strawberries?  Your apples?   Go to Localharvest.org, find a local farmer's market or a CSA.   Buy a freezer.  Start freezing your foods.  Start making your own jams and jellies.

I just looked, my strawberries are from CA, as are my Asian pears.   There are a lot of things that I suspect are made in California, but have no label saying so, directly.   My frozen organic green beans, I suspect, are Californian.  They just say "product of USA" but the company is a California-based enterprise.

But this is part of the problem with our food supply.  With the advent of trucking, it has become easier to grow mass quantities in one part of the country and ship it all to other parts.

And we had problems with supply this winter, in the snowy wastes, when the trucks could not get through.

We don't have tracking of where our food is grown, if it is processed into jam, or even frozen, or made into apple chips.  My apple chips claim they are a joint production between the US and Chile.  Does this mean that the apples are Chilean and they are processed here? Or vice versa?

I am foreseeing doom unless we stand up.  Unless we talk to our food suppliers, our beverage makers, say "prove to me your product is not sucking down California's water supply".  

Talk to your grocers.  Tell them, hey, I'm worried, can you source a more local product?

In the summer, it will not be a problem.

In the winter, we may end up not having raspberries in January.  We may truly end up eating more like our forebears, seasonally.  

But lets make our stand before California turns into a barren desert, and we have no food left on the shelf.

What people don't talk about when they talk about the Apocalypse.

They don't talk about periods.  Its mind-boggling, but there you have it.   In all the fictional end-of-the-modern-world stories I've read...  

Some of the dudes who write these are allegedly married to women, according to their bios.  Some of the writers are women.  There are lengthy depictions of battle scenes, or torture, but...

No periods.

I'm not talking about a lengthy screed of every cramp, and washing out pads, but COME ON.  Periods are messy.  A week of bleeding, for me, debilitating cramps.   And leaves are not going to cut it.

But reuseable pads have to be washed.  And dried.   And would probably attract animals.  They wouldn't have disposable.   Or tampons.  Although they might find a Diva cup or use a sponge (but even the sponge needs to be washed out)

And not even a mention.

Or what happens when the birth control and the condoms run out?  A rise in STDs?

And the apocalypse has to happen at the right time...  if it happened any time after late spring, forget about finding seeds in the grocery store...

If the apocalypse happened right now, I'd be able to plant squash and tomatoes and potatoes.   I have some old seeds, but those are mostly for flowers...

I wouldn't have anything for catching rain or melting snow over the fireplace...

What have you noticed missing in stories about the apocalypse?

On singledom...

So, a friend of mine recently got married.  She has been in a long term relationship for over 20 years, and has kids.    And this got me thinking about being single.  Because of course I am happy for her, but at the same time, there is a twinge...  there is a feeling that I will never meet someone who thinks the stars shine in my eyes...  and no kids, too late for that.  (And that is a completely different post about dating in your forties, ugh)

Yes, there are many things I love about being single...  I only have to cook for myself, I can paint the downstairs fuchsia if I like.  I don't need to incorporate someone else's tastes or family into things...  I can use up leftovers, and plan on leftovers.

 I do think that everyone should have to live alone for at least one year.  My mother only did later in life.  

I have a whole house to spread out in...

But there are times when it feels very lonely.  

No one to say good morning, or offer to get more milk.  Or make the coffee, or run a load of laundry when you just can't move.   (or mow the grass)

Sometimes (too often) not cooking because you will be eating the same thing for a week.  I love to cook...

But then again, I'm having rice pudding and junk tv for dinner...  so its not all bad.

And there is satisfaction in figuring out how to bleed the baseboards, or fix the washing machine.

But also frustration in dealing with people who expect me to have a husband.  And no-one to run interference with nosy neighbors...

(you'd think no-one had lived alone before in the history of ever)

The thing I miss most, touch.  We don't live in a society that values touch...  

I'm lonely at times, but in some ways I'm more lonely living in suburbia, among the happy families, than I was out in the woods...

I don't miss living in a box, sandwiched between other boxes.  New York gives me claustrophobia.   Too many people!

 Being in a relationship also helps you get out of the house.  You get invited to more things if you are part of a couple, its the truth.  People don't think of inviting the single lady.   

But honestly, if I ever met someone, we'd need either a Victorian or a mansion, because I need my space at this point.  That's what is hard.   I'd need a bigger house!

There are a lot of articles knocking singledom, and there are articles knocking marriage.  Marriage can be a wonderful thing, to the right person.  I've had two failed relationships.  The second was more like a divorce. Fortunately, no joint accounts.

Yes, I would have loved to have met someone. Someone right.  Moderately sane, who appreciates me.  

And I joke about being Miss Havisham, and dying alone waiting for a wedding day that never came...

But sometimes, being single is hard, and doesn't always feel all that worthwhile...  to plan a vacation, alone. And take selfies of yourself!  Lots and lots of selfies.  But then...  no-one to share in the memories.  In the "oh, remember this?!".  And feeling like you should just burn it all, because who is going to get it?  Its not going to mean anything to my niece.  Or my cousin's kids.   It seems silly...

And yet it is a refuge, a safe space.  My own space.   I know what works, how things work...

So, what do you like or dislike about being single?

How to use (or not) rugs.

This is for my friend Kat, whom I promised a rug post many moons ago...and my mom can also see how my house is, kind of, decorated.  

So there is the big living room rug, here, with the couch firmly plunked on one end... And peach chairs not really on the other...

This rug was actually inherited from my grandparents....I like the size, it could be just a bit bigger... Definitely not smaller...next we come to the dining room, where I just switched out the rug with the one now in the guest room.  This rug actually makes the room look bigger.   And yes, I am looking for the right piece of art for over the buffet.

Next we have the hallway and office/library...  And no, I'm not afraid of color.  Most of the following rugs were bought at IKEA, because color...

The other thing this shows is that I don't do matchy matchy.  The chair above actually matches the couch, but it just was not working seating wise.  Now the ottoman provides a nice spot for my computer snacks....

This is my don't.  The rug really needs to be longer.  Although I adore the color.  No one seems to make hall rugs anymore, as you can also see in the upstairs hall, where it just needs to be a little bigger...

Then we have two bedrooms, the guest and the master...

How Barbie taught me what to wear...

So I've been seeing a post about how the one lady in Australia is making over Bratz dolls...  and I started thinking...  and put two and two together one of the last times I went shopping, because of the types of clothes I was gravitating towards...

I grew up in Kuwait, and in Egypt.   In the 70s.  So we had some "girly" barbies, but we also had a variety of clothes for them and for Ken.   (In fact, Ken and Barbie sometimes shared clothes... mostly jackets and tops...some clothes, Ken filled out better!) as you can see in the following photo...

We had tons of accessories, as well as a few handmade things.  Most of the outfits came as separates, or with scarves/vests/jackets/etc.  Unfortunately, the truly ugly iconic ones are the ones that survived better...  not the well-loved ones.  

But I see a lot of Barbie elements in my closet today...

take jumpsuits...

Or dresses...

Or even sweaters or nighties....

And I recently realized that I've been looking for a pair of boots similar to Barbie's..

Barbie also inspired some of my love of big jewelry..  Although that may also be from my paternal aunts and grand mother.  I don't think it mattered so much to me what I wore, as what Barbie wore, that shaped my taste...  It certainly is not boring...  


But you know what? For all you parents who are concerned about your kids playing with Barbie?  Just get them a variety of clothes, because that is where it begins...  

On turning 44. Or "Alone and doomed to be so forever" reflections on a life badly lived.

So, I'm just tired.  I'm tired of not having a support system.  I'm tired of not having a network.  Yes, I have things.  But I am just sick to death of stuff.  I don't want more stuff, I don't even want any more "imaginary" Internet friends.

I want real friends.  People I can call when my car breaks down.  People who will come along and offer moral support for buying a new car.

Yes, my house is clean.  Yes, I am starting to lose weight again.

I have had no luck dating.

I haven't had much luck making friends.

I never have.

I went to boarding school a year too late to really connect with people.  I came in in my Junior year, and everyone had their friends.

Then I was uncomfortable around people in college.  I was always a little bit of a loner...  and never really dated anyone in college...

And  then I got into a bad situation, I found a nice place to live as a result, but even there, never really made friends.  Some dating, but not very much of that, either.  

And then my second big disaster of a relationship.

Ended.

After five years.  Cohabitating for most of them.  He was a hoarder.  His mother was also a hoarder.  That kind of thing rubs off...


12 years later, still single.  CRAPPY dating record.  Just no idea how to meet someone in the modern world. Yes, I have money.  I don't need to work.  However, I also do not go out and buy every overpriced bauble that appeals.   I watch my money.   I'm not a Koch or a Walton.

I just want to find someone who sees me, not dollar signs, or a spoiled, entitled brat.  

I never even managed to have kids.  I'm just alone.  Completely and utterly.  

Yes, this post is a little self-absorbed and whiny.   I know, and I apologize.  But it is just so easy to feel alone.

And damnit, I miss hugs.

I don't know how to fix this.