The Mythology of Women

There has become this grand mythology of women these days. According to the magazines and advertisers women are these impossibly perfect, almost alien beings. They cook, clean, take care of 30 kids, hold down a full-time job, read, are perfectly manicured and hairless in ALL the right places. They never have cramps, a messy house, or a bad period. The linens are always starched, curtains and decor are changed seasonally, they are always fragrant. Immaculate makeup and hair, of course. And a zit? God Forbid.

Even in my boarding school, 20 years ago, there was a mythology that your period really didn't affect you. I remember the teacher telling us that you used to get a 'sick' day automatically for the first day of your period, and I STILL remember thinking 'what a marvelous idea'. The teacher then went on to say that of course that was hogwash.... that no-one's period affected them that much.

(And yes, maybe you can tell, its that time for me...bleah). But I am continually surprised and disturbed at the amount of image manipulation there is in our lives. From photoshopping already skinny women into almost stick figures... or having the message blared at you that with the 'right' feminine products you too could have a 'Happy' period, to even the images of women on TV...

There are the women of 'Mad Men', glamorous, poised, coiffed, but powerless. There are the women of Wisteria Lane, who are supposedly friends, but also bitter enemies. There are the catty 'Real Housewives'. There are, in almost every sitcom, the skinny, gorgeous, intelligent woman, with some fat ignorant slob.

Where are the professors? The educated, literate, capable women who do exist? Where are the women who build things, or drive trucks? The historical women? (and NOT Messalina or Cleopatra, or the bitchy power-hungry women of Rome) Show me real women, women with curves, women with a little grey in their hair. Women who have cramps, or who have meltdowns.... and who have normal meltdowns, not boil-the-bunny meltdowns.

I miss tv characters like Claire Huxtable, or even Xena (the earlier shows). Heck, even Buffy's mom had some potential. But enough with the vapid helpless female images! Why not show us single mothers who have made it work, and how. Why not show us that women can be sweaty and beautiful? Or be gorgeous without having to shave their armpits and legs ten times a day...

(And while I'm dreaming, why not make comfortable, smart clothes that women can wear? I hate chinos and I hate jeans. And I don't want to dress like a teenager. But I want to look cute, not like a matron...(I may be old enough to be someone's mom, but at the moment its not likely that I ever will be).

If you are going to give us fantasy, make it a fantasy that is positive. Make it one about women who achieve, without backstabbing anyone. Make it about being a good parent, a loving parent. Make it about being happy and beautiful in your own skin.

That's what I'd like to see in the media.

The bias against religion in modern society...

I was just on Facebook. And someone posted a comment on one of my friend's status, basically denigrating religion. And its one of the few 'acceptable' biases to have, in this day and age. Yes, organised religion has its drawbacks, and there are fundamentals of every creed. But when did it become ok to mock someone's belief? Someone's moral code? The majority of people who follow an organised religion are not sheeple. (I sometimes think that the metaphor of Shepherd and Sheep can be taken too far, its supposed to be an image of protecting and guarding, the Shepherd image, not the sheep). It almost seems as if the more equal and aware we get, the more we need some kind of scapegoat...one last bastion to belittle. Usually, unfortunately, people equate Catholicism with the 'bad' organised religion. (Catholicism and Islam, because those terrorists are Islamic, and those nasty Muslims oppress women).

Yet, at the same time, religion gives people a moral code (and you can have a moral code without having a religion, of course you can. And you can be an amoral bastard with religion). Religion gives people comfort and support. But its not, as I used to think, a crutch. It is having inner strength, being able to rely on yourself, but also knowing that you always have help... it is having a sense of comfort when people die, its a support for so many people. And it can do great good in the world, as well...

Pondering Pregnancy...

So, as you all know, I'm single. Quite so. And, unfortunately, I don't end up meeting nice straight, single guys. Its a fact. And I'm also, on the whole, fairly happy with my single life. The one thing I'd like, really, is to have a kid (or two...)

Yes, I know I can adopt. And I'm looking into that as well. But I'd rather have a kid of my own body and blood...if I still can.

This is really being triggered by a few things... a few people at work and church are pregnant, and I'm 39. I've thought about it for a while, but I'm really wanting this. Yes, I know that I won't really have time to blog or Internet with a kid. But I can give a kid so much... which is why I'm also looking at adopting. Because there are kids out there with nothing...

But trying to get pregnant without a physical man in the picture can be tricky. Sperm banks feel somewhat sleazy... I don't know if its the resemblance to dating sites, or the fact that they are paid to jack off...there's also the issue that you don't really have background on the guy, or even how many women have used the sperm. How many half-siblings are running around? And if its a local bank, this gets to be a bigger issue (inadvertent pun, sorry)...

But do you ask a friend for his sperm? How do you deal with the legal implications of that? Or the emotional implications? Because even if you are friends, completely platonic, (or he is gay) there is still an emotional aspect to fathering a child... and he will be watching the pregnancy happen... and if he is a good person, he'd feel an emotional responsibility, even if you both signed something absolving him.... but the advantage is that you'd know, or be able to ask about, any medical/family stuff...

My sister says she knows so many people who have given up and gone ahead with having a kid alone... I don't know, I want to have kids, but I almost wonder if going ahead would be, in a way, equivalent to giving up on meeting someone nice...

I regret my choice of 16 years ago so much. Damn. It felt necessary at the time, but if I'd only known....

Maybe I'm overthinking this...

Harmonious Matches....

So I've decided to put myself out on the meat market again.... see what happens. I have a few criteria for looking through profiles. Spelling is the most important. Spelling and grammar.
Another is if the guy reads. I want a reader, someone who loves literatchooor... If they are separated, no dice. The same if they are fresh out of a relationship. One I just read said that he doesn't want the potential girlfriend around when he has the kids, and no he doesn't want help with them... ok, back away sloooooowly....

But it looks like there are a lot of smart, funny, well-educated guys out there... I'm sure my profile raises red flags with some guys... its a given. But someone will see the bright, shiny person underneath the profile, and that is what counts.

Edited to add: Some of these profiles really make me roll my eyes...the guy who has 10,000 spelling mistakes and says at the end that he loves spell check. If you love it, use it!

And if you are separated, divorced, AND widowed? ummmm no. Just no. I'm sorry you've had such terrible luck. Truly. And if you are separated? Sorry, get your divorce, THEN we will talk.

The worst problem I'm finding is that I'm supposed to be dating 40 year-olds. AAAAAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHH. In my heart, I'm still 21!

New Years Resolutions. 2010

Ok. I've been reading a lot of New Years Resolutions... most have to do with eating right and exercising... I love Neil Gaiman's list:


I also love this idea, from The Happiness project, of finding one small thing to do each week to make yourself happy:


So this year, I want to try something new. I've thought about trying out for an artists model for a while (although the thought does make me a teeny bit nervous, even though an exboyfriend of mine, who was an artist, was surprised that I'd never sat as a model), I want to do something that stretches my comfort level a little. That's the only way one grows. Keep doing, learning, growing.

I want to keep going with the ceramics, the singing, the acting. I'm going to set up an account on one of these dating sites, and follow up on it, start actively dating this year. And yes, I will accept fix-ups. Does anyone recommend one dating site over another?

I might even try to adopt a kid... I need someone who will show me how to work an I-Pod, after all! ;)

What NOT to do with your Christmas Tree.

So I just read a post, where it is ten things to do with your Christmas tree. Supposedly sourced from a professional.

There is one actively dangerous tip in there. The one about using your christmas tree for wood. Nooooooooo. No, no, no, NO! Pine sap is one of those things that burns really fast, and also can be responsible for putting the gunk in your chimney that can cause a chimney fire.

(you can use parts of the branches for starting fires, since they catch really well, but not a fire made entirely of Christmas tree! You'll end up with a fire made of house, too). This is also why you never should place a live Christmas tree next to the fireplace, no matter how pretty it looks.

There are only two really worthwhile tips in there: The fish habitat and the mulch. but the above tip is the only really actively dangerous one.

And my tree stays up until Epiphany. :) This year, it may become a Valentine tree too.

And on that note, off to build a fire and enjoy the snowy day....