On being female....and feminism.

Its odd. I grew up in two Middle Eastern countries, but was raised by a nanny and a very feminist American mother. I went to a girls boarding school, where we were told in tones of great horror about how girls used to automatically be 'sick' on the first day they menstruated. The implication being that now we know better. Of course, I beg to differ. From day 1, cramps. I don't remember EVER having had a period that wasn't debilitating.

Of course I'm thinking bout this today, because I have my period. And of course this week is supposed to be busy, with rehearsals and whatnot. I'm not advocating for fainting couches and a week of swooning and declining blissfully on the couch, but gosh, I WISH it was more acceptable for women to have bad periods.

And even in these days, its still "my little friend", "that time of the month", "Aunt Flo". Commercials want us to 'have a happy period', and even the books kids read about puberty say NOTHING about cramps.

For me, real feminism is about being able to talk about this stuff. To not have to whisper out of the corner of my mouth 'its that TOM', to be able to say that some of us have hellish periods, where we are, frankly, tempted to use the kitchen knife for an at-home-hysterectomy.

Even growing up in Egypt, in some ways it was more acceptable to have periods and not be able to do everything... whereas here you are a woman, but at the same time it doesn't affect you...

This is just demented rambling, really, but somehow there is still an odd perspective on this stuff here... doctors still tell you to take Advil for the pain, or use treatments that are just horrible (I have endometriosis, and there ARE really no good treatments)...

Oh well...back to bed with my little friend, mr heating pad.

The Naming

The Naming of Cats is a curious matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter...

From T.S.Eliot's the Naming of Cats. (any mistakes are mine, I typed from memory-no pun intended)

As another thing I do, I do ceramics. And I posted a pic of my latest finished piece on Facebook. And then I realised, most of my pieces don't have names! I come up with a concept sometimes, or a play on something I'm working on, and that will have a name...but usually they don't. And I suspect its more of a common problem with creative types than most people admit.

In music, a lot of the classic symphonies have numbers, or descriptors, "Cantata in E Major", or some such title. Artists have 'series'...so you just think of one title or descriptor, and then add numbers for the following ones!

Its easier if your painting or piece depicts something specific, but mine rarely do, or else they are mundane...like giant flowers. :D

There have been pieces I've seen that have been titled something specific where I have peered at them, spent ages in front of them, trying to figure out how the title relates to the piece! "Nude woman"? I don't see a nude woman.... hmmmmmmmm

That's what someone needs to give as a class, "How to title your artwork".

What A Waste....

Waste, waste, waste...can you tell I just took out the trash? I WASTE so much food. *sigh* I have got to get a compost bin. I also wish there were better recycling facilities...everything is covered in bits of plastic, which can't be recycled, plastic bags are everywhere, even tins are lined with plastic. *sigh*

I m so tired of plastic, of waste, of not being able to do enough to keep the planet pretty... We can only recycle a few things, some glass, some containers, paper, but not really cardboard, and not the majority of the plastic.

I try to take the plastic to Whole Foods, but that just means I end up living in among piles of plastic bags...and it just seems that everything one buys is plastic, encrusted in plastic....

I really, really want to live somewhere where I can buy in reasonable amounts, for one meal (obviously, I need to move to Paris). I should have taken a picture of the recycling center in the building I lived in in Paris for two weeks. They recycle appliances like coffeemakers and irons! They recycle batteries! Everything is recycled! Why can't we do the same thing here? I'm tired, tired, tired of waste, and not being able to do anything with it...

Good Night and Good Luck

I just saw this, and it is apropos for the times. I do feel as if we go on witch-hunts every so often, because there HAS to be a scapegoat. And I go on AOL, read the news stories, read the comments, and cringe. I'm on a messageboard with some wonderful people, but even they make comments that make me cringe.

And yes, I am equally guilty for not speaking up. Unfortunately, I don't speak up sometimes about a lot of things I beleive in. I believe in communication between religions, that we are all people first and foremost. I believe that we have had a witchhunt for terrorists in this country, and that we have gone too far. I believe that women should be able to have an abortion, but should also realise that it is a hard, hard thing to do, and a hard thing to live with. And that there is a grief process associated with it.

I believe that we have poisoned our food supply and our planet. That plastics are horrible...I wish I could eliminate plastic completely. Its just impossible. I wish we could use less fertilizer, pesticides, etc. Does it really matter how green the darn lawn is?

I believe in reading, in books, in freedom of speech. I believe in equality, in citizenship. I believe in love, in support, in friendship. I believe in doing something that makes you happy. I believe in challenging yourself and trying something new every year of your life.

I believe in being the best person I can be!

Je suis amuse!

I've been doing Facebook in French, and it is tres amusante. I'm actually bilingual, with a smattering of Arabic as well, and I fall back into doing the bilingual thing pretty easily. Its actually tougher for me, sometimes, to only speak straight English, because I keep wanting to say 'Inshallah' or add the French word in that would say perfectly what I want. So I'm actually enjoying having my Facebook being bilingual, and having a mix of French and English with the occasional Arabic thrown in.

I do love some of what French and Facebook do with status updates, and I like relationships in French. Moi, je suis celibataire. Yes, to being single, but also celibate.... (on another day it might annoy me, though).... but the whole thing is described as 'Situation amoureuse' which I LOVE. It sounds just so much better, so much classier, in French. If you are in a relationship, you are 'En couple', if you are in an open relationship, its 'En union libre'...and so on. It just sounds so much better than crude English.

J'adore Francais et j'adore la France. And yes, I am aware my grammar is probably f'ed up...in both Anglais and French, grammar was never my strong point (which is why I failed hieroglyphics in college).

Food issues R us

So I was reading a blog this morning... Petite Anglaise, as a matter of fact. And enjoying it tremendously. And I read a post about culture shock, and differences between our cultures, and I was reading the comments section.

Two things jumped out at me, one of which is one I've talked about in the past, and the other is one I am going to have to do more research on.

Portion sizes and F-A-T. I'm fat. I admit it. I need to lose 30 lbs. Yet I'm still slimmer than a lot of Americans. I am also amazed at how hard it is here to get simple, plain food, in moderate portion sizes. It ws one of the things I loved about France, and on the boat...the portion sizes in general (except for places that were tourist-oriented) were reasonable. The other thing, the food is so much closer to natural. Just simple full-fat yogurt without flavorings or gelatin? Easy to find in France (and wonderful), here in the states? even in Whole Paycheck? Spend an hour looking through the case. Or take butter. Wonderful French butter....going to the grocery and marvelling at the cases and cases of different butters... and lets take meat, for a moment. You could go to the supermarket and find a package with a reasonable portion size of meat. Something for dinner that night... Here in the US, its always enough for four! Or you could go to the butcher shop... but my point is, they had small sizes there, on the shelves. The food didn't have a lot of crud added to it.... And you know, you can tell. The majority of Europeans are slim... yes, there are some who are gaining, but the majority... what the US used to be, before factory farming.

The second which ties in a little with the first, is that apparently there is formaldehyde in US milk!!! Now it may be true, may not be, it has certainly been used as a preservative in the past... (early 1900s, from what I could tell). I don't know. I'm sure there are things in the milk (yes even organic) that we don't know about... and yes, we have fads in food scares. People get paranoid about flouride (sp?) in the water, or what have you. A lot of things in the food we eat really aren't good for us (HFCS anyone?), but that gave me a moment of 'no frigging way!'. But in some ways I do start to wonder. When I start gaining weight the moment I get off of the raw milk I drink all summer. When I go back to eating from the grocery store in the winter.... maybe there is such a thing...

I just worry when we have so many issues with our food supply. There are more allergies then ever before, there are more weight and health issues than ever before, and, instead of simplifying the food supply, they add more fake stuff, more fillers, more preservatives... its all low-fat, non-fat, sugar-free, fortified with essential vitamins and minerals....and all have ingredient lists a mile long with the things that you worry about disguised, so you can't even see them...

Counters....

Does anyone know a good counter? I really, really, really would like one.

Singledom is wonderful

The things I like about being single:

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to worry about someone else's needs. I can have the house decorated the way I want it. I can eat what I want, when I want... I can go out at night, not have to account for my every move (although its amazing how people watch you in this town...sometimes I feel that I have people watching what I buy at the grocery store!!!!)

I can watch junky movies, kiddie movies, chick flicks. Without people making comment about 'eeew'.

No, now that I really have been thinking about it, I don't want people setting me up, I'm not looking at people and sussing up if they are single or not. It doesn't matter. Most of the single guys out there are creepy or gay anyway *shrug* (or both).

(I'm just a little annoyed, at work yesterday one of the patrons started saying she wants to see me coupled up this year, and that got my co-worker going. And IF I was dating someone, I wouldn't be broadcasting the information. IF I date, it is my own private business. And I don't care if everyone else in the world is coupled up...if God wants me to meet someone She will drop him in my lap, so please, if you are reading this, leave it up to the Big Gal in the Sky).

Swinging in the wind....

I keep going back and forth between feeling ok with myself and feeling FAT. Today, I feel FAT. FAT FAT FAT. I know I was once a lot fatter, but the thing is, when its yourself, you don't really 'see' it. Particularly if you have trouble with it.

When I was younger, I was thin, but felt fat. I just wish, so much, that somehow I'd gotten a better image of myself.... Right now, I think I could stand to lose at least 20 lbs. But I just don't have a good sense of myself. And yet somehow I also do. Its odd, its one of those things I struggle with...

And I know no man will find me attractive unless I like myself. But I HATE clothes, I hate clothes shopping (I actually know what kinds of things look good on me, but finding them...whole other matter).

*sigh*

I just wish there were reasonable images out there... I don't need to compare myself to 15 y-o girls, but there are no reasonable images of adult women out there.

I think maybe that's why I like Spanish movies so much (been on a bit of a kick recently). The women in them actually have some curves... they are real women.

I still feel I have a few too many curves, but that's my hangup. I just wish someone would make clothes to fit the curves... nicely.

When I wish upon a star...

I'm not wishing for much for the New Year. The loss of the last 20 lbs, peace between Israel and Palestine, a clean house, new friends...

Brotherhood, sisterhood, understanding... its a brand-new world out there.

I try to be optimistic, even though I am horribly saddened by some of the comments on the news stories. But I have to believe that there will be peace, that if enough people want it and speak up for it, that it will happen.

If you are a musician or an artist, speak up in your own way. Do a film, do a musical event, but get out there and do.

Even if its something for world peace, and not a specific area. Or some cause close to your heart..cancer, AIDS, hunger, the removal of factory farming. Let 2009 be the year where dreams come true, the year of speaking out.