The men I am attracted to....

Lanky, taller...usually dark-haired. Blue eyes get me, but I haven't dated a lot of blue-eyed men....

I was thinking about the physical type I am attracted to:

I'm attracted to Neil Gaiman, to Anthony Bourdain... its the curls, the slight scruffiness, the intelligence, the slight flavour of bad boy making good.....


And I like a taller man.

Yum.

Blue...

So I'm feeling lonely and blue today. Part is frustration, I can't seem to get new molds made to save my life, and my hearingaids squeak. Part is upcoming high-school reunion. None of what they are offering sounds at all interesting, and I can't do the meals because of my wheat allergy...
*shrug*

I'm feeling lonely too, which doesn't help matters. I'm just feeling tired, and blue, and lonely and hormonal. I need a hug. I feel like an outsider in life, always, even when I try to jump in and do stuff. I feel like I'm never good enough, and I'm never going to be good enough.

*sigh*

I'm tired of this crap. I'm tired of feeling unattractive, of feeling alone, of feeling like I am being patted on the head and told I am a good girl. I'm tired of feeling like I can't make a difference. I'm just tired.

I'm tired of being condescended to. I've had hearingaid molds made my entire life, and suddenly, now, its apparently impossible.
I'm scared of even trying to go anywhere to get new molds made, beccause I'm afraid they'll give me the same crappy line...
or, if its a hospital, that they'll push the surgery that is the new fix for this...

I always felt I'd meet someone who could be a companion, a support, a helpful person. And I haven't, and I don't see where I will... I give up. I just give up. Getting involved is not the answer. I don't know what is, but its not that.

Yes, I have a naked man on my fridge....

heh, that sounds like the title of a book of short stories... "I have a naked man on my fridge, and other stories"... Anyway, I really do have a naked man on my fridge, the David magnet. I also have the Venus, but Venus has her clothes, unlike David's, which went 'poof' in the move (not that I mind, mind you...this is the only naked man I have in my life, might as well be a pretty one!--not well endowed, but that is a modern thing...the Greeks actually thought large 'equipment' was coarse, and smaller was better... and yes, I have eclectic knowledge--my brain is a strange place to live).

Anyway, I'm so used to my naked man that when I had a party this last weekend, I forgot to take him off!! (It was a church party too, with lots of 'good Catholics' and a few children!) Ooops. Venus was fully dressed, but not David. I only woke up to this when I walked into the kitchen and found that someone had undressed Venus, and put a dress on David.... heh.

Its funny, the things you get so used to when you live alone.........

(And no, I wouldn't mind having a naked man in my bed sometime in the next couple of years...God, if you are listening!)

But it started me wondering, again, about the subtle sexism in this day and age...its ok for women to be undressed but men not? Still? Its indecent having pics of naked men around, but its more acceptable to have naked women than men... in film, in art, in pornography, even. Even on the Internet, you are more likely (unless you go to a gay site) to find more pictures of naked women. I used to subscribe to Playgirl, supposedly marketed to women. Even there, you had pictures of naked women. (And that magazine actually catered to a lot of gay men...I also started receiving a catalog marketed to gay men of sex toys...some were very very imaginative). Mapplethorpe got in trouble for his erotic photos of men, not necessarily of women.. in film you see naked breasts all the time, but naked penises? No, that would be indecent. *sigh*

I'm reading a book now, by Gina Barraca, that is discussing the younger woman/older man syndrome, but another syndrome that also exists, but is less accepted somehow, is the older woman/younger man. The older woman becomes a 'cougar' or 'Mrs Robinson'. Both of these are labels I hate! And what is wrong with an older woman and younger man? Younger men are cute, they have stamina, and they won't be tottering around while you want to dance the night away! But there are so many fewer older-women/younger-men couples out there....

I just think we still have a ways to go in this society... we need to have equality. So that single women can have pictures of naked men in their house without having to worry about taking them down!

Confidence is a funny thing....

Sometimes, the less you know about something, the more confident you can be in just jumping in. Its only now, after I've had some training, that, in some ways, I'm less self-assured. What brought this on? Well, hearingaids and loose molds. Because my molds are loose, I'm squeaky. Squeak, squeak, squeak.... but sometimes life marches up to you and says "You CAN do this".

I had a voice lesson yesterday. I haven't sung all summer. I have squeaky ears. One of my batteries died in the middle of the lesson. Guess what? I sung well. I was mostly on pitch, and I proved to myself that I could do it, even with one ear with a loose mold.

I need to remind myself that I have a decent voice now, that I can sing on pitch, I know how it feels to sing the right note (and a lot of singing is actually mental). I need to keep that confidence and not denigrate myself, and not be scared of screwing up. Because most of the time, I am singing well.

I need to remember that.

This summer, I joined a group of "mezzo-soprano" singers, the rest of whom are professional singers. One of the founders described the group as "talented people", and, sadly, my brain added "and me". I know I still have work to do on my voice, but I wish I could stop the negative self-talk, because I am worlds away from where I was. But it feels, at times, that the more I know about my voice, the more negative I can get.

The Presidency

*sigh*

I did not vote for George Bush (either one), or approve of their foreign policies. But they were the Presidents of the United States of America. They were elected, and served their terms. I respected the office while not necessarily respecting the choices. WHY can we not have that with our current President? Why can't he make a speech to children about staying in school? He is the POTUS. The Commander-in-chief.

Presidents have made speeches to the Nation in the past.

Both sides are becoming so derogatory of the other... I am just appalled. I did a search for Presidential addresses, and found such wildly divergent sides... when did we, as a country, become so negative about our elected leadership? Why is he accused of being like royalty? I can't actually read the things being posted by both sides because they are both so negative!

Can we not have a dialogue? Conversation? Listen to the speech with your child and explain if you disagree with anything our President has said.

I really just don't understand. And its not a comment on one side or the other. Both sides have grandstanded in the past. I didn't like that they brought out "W." right before Bush left office, I thought that was disrespectful.

Can we please, please find some common ground?

Staying in school is a good thing. Learning is a good thing. Respect is a good thing. Don't take your kids out of school because the leader of our country is going to address them. (But also remember, you have the freedom to do this. There are some countries where you would be arrested for such an action). If we have the freedom to do something does not mean that we should.

Can we not treat people the way we wish to be treated? Can we not treat our president with the respect that he deserves? He is the leader of our country, and if we don't treat him with respect, how can we expect other countries to do the same?

The problem with obesity in the US.

Ok. We have a huge problem in the US. HUGE. We have obesity. And we have it for a number of reasons. We sit on our asses with Facebook, Twitter, blogging away... playing computer games... but we also have it because we are a culture of cheap-asses too.

I was just at Target, home of cheap stuff. Now granted, some of Target's stuff is good quality... I have never seen so much bulk crap in my life. I went into the candy aisle because I wanted a small box of Reese's pieces. No such luck. Everything was bulk candy. Big bags of candy, big things of soda (and they no longer have the sugar-sweetened soda I like). Everything with high-fructose corn syrup. I was also looking for a drying rack (God Forbid! Drying clothes on a drying rack?) Flimsy, cheap. And everything was plastic. Went to the garden section, because I was looking for a couple of things, including trowels. Chemicals and more plastic.

Whatever happened to real stuff? to things that are built to last? To wooden drying racks, to trowels that don't break the minute they hit a stone? Its all image gardening. Its nothing that people actually use! People sit on their riding mowers to mow the lawn. They spray chemicals all over, eat chemicals, and its my opinion that the chemicals contribute to the ill-health of the nation.

Bleah. And whatever happened to shorts? I just want a nice pair of summer shorts.