Swinging in the wind....

I keep going back and forth between feeling ok with myself and feeling FAT. Today, I feel FAT. FAT FAT FAT. I know I was once a lot fatter, but the thing is, when its yourself, you don't really 'see' it. Particularly if you have trouble with it.

When I was younger, I was thin, but felt fat. I just wish, so much, that somehow I'd gotten a better image of myself.... Right now, I think I could stand to lose at least 20 lbs. But I just don't have a good sense of myself. And yet somehow I also do. Its odd, its one of those things I struggle with...

And I know no man will find me attractive unless I like myself. But I HATE clothes, I hate clothes shopping (I actually know what kinds of things look good on me, but finding them...whole other matter).

*sigh*

I just wish there were reasonable images out there... I don't need to compare myself to 15 y-o girls, but there are no reasonable images of adult women out there.

I think maybe that's why I like Spanish movies so much (been on a bit of a kick recently). The women in them actually have some curves... they are real women.

I still feel I have a few too many curves, but that's my hangup. I just wish someone would make clothes to fit the curves... nicely.