The trouble with "self-help medical" books....

Ok.  I'm an intelligent woman.  I'm also a woman with endometriosis, who is gluten-free.  

I went gluten-free because of one of these self-help books on endometriosis.   The problem with the book was that it had conflicting information.   It would say "do this" and then a couple paragraphs later, "do the opposite".  It did say that the majority of women with endo have trouble with wheat, dairy, or both.   I figured it wouldn't hurt to try an elimination diet.   Cut both out, completely, for about a month, maybe a bit longer.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I bought a tub of ice cream.  No issues.  Went back on the diet.  Tried introducing wheat back in.  Problems.

Of course, what I didn't realize was that going gluten-free would not enable me to be tested for celiac.  Because you have to be eating gluten, and every time I've eaten gluten, it kills me. (and this has happened accidentally enough times that I know it isn't the power of positive thinking)

But recently I read Jennifer's Way.  Which was a decent book in as far as it went, but then, in the last few sections, she started talking medical/diet/etc.  And there, the book started venturing into "mystical medicine" territory.  

This happens with celiac and endo really often, because neither condition is well supported medically.   People come up with their own tricks, which work for them, but they aren't necessarily supported by science.

Take the thing which devalued Jennifer's Way, for me.  This was the idea that you can change the PH of your body by what you eat or drink.   Um, really, no.   And I'm not sure that powdered or liquid vitamins are any more easily absorbed than the horse pills, because horse pills do break down in your stomach.

With endo, there is a little bit of the same thing.   Endo is medicated in a way that basically goes back to Victorian thinking.  HORMONES!    Which only worked for me if I was on them, and I've had doctors say horrible sexist things to me.  Just ugh.  And with endo, as with celiac, it takes a while to diagnose, and can really only be confirmed with surgical/invasive diagnostics.  

Both are treated somewhat cavalierly by doctors.  I was told by one, well, we'll do a blood test to see if you are celiac.  I was appalled.  You can't tell!  I'd have to be eating gluten, and there is no way I will do that!

So is it any wonder that people come up with their own routines?  With a little bit of magical thinking?

But the problem is when the magical thinking gets shared as fact.  In otherwise well-written books.  In otherwise factual books.  I just wish they would call it the "mystical medicine" section.  We could have the: facts about the disease section, and then the "magic remedy" section, of what worked for me, but doesn't actually make a lot of sense when you think about it.

Even feminists need help sometimes.

So, the trope is that feminists don't need anyone, and never need help, and sisters can do it for themselves...

But sometimes, it is ok to ask for help.  I know right now, I am feeling stuck.  I'm not feeling strong, capable, etc.   I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

So I asked a friend for help.  I said "I could really use your company when I go car shopping, I don't want to go in there alone".  He said no.  That I'm a feminist and I don't need a "big strong man" to help me, and that I will feel better if I do it myself.

Even feminists need moral support.

Even feminists need someone to go car shopping with.

And I'd rather go car shopping now, rather than when the car breaks down.

But frankly, I'm intimidated.

I stink at bargaining.  My sister is the Khan el-Khalili expert in the family.

And the problem is, lack of confidence snowballs.


Yes, I have a lot to do.  But I am feeling so frustrated, and so stuck, nothing is getting done.

And it is easier when you have support.  When you have friends who are there for you.

When you have backup.


I am just so frustrated.  I have not, at age 43, found my place yet.  I'm a little nerdy, a little geeky, but I don't fit in with the fen.  I'm artsy, but don't have the talent to create real art.

I'm bookish.  I cook. I'm feminist.  I'm angry at the huge divides I see in our country.

I'm tired.  I'm tired of being frustrated, of being stuck, of being lonely.

I'm tired of constantly feeling alien, of feeling "other".

I need a little help from my friends, guys.

Because even though I'm feminist, the world is still patriarchal.

The problems with plastics and replacements

Yes, plastic can be wonderful.  But.  It does not degrade easily.  We have tons of it in the oceans, in landfills, everywhere.   Everything is wrapped in plastic, has plastic elements, and only a small portion is recycled. (and even that recycling is sent to CHINA to be recycled.  Really?)  And it is downcycled.  

So.  Plastic is made from oil.   Black gold.

Oh!  We have lots of corn!  Lets make plastic out of corn!   Waittaminute, kiddo.   How is corn grown?  (hint, black gold)

I've read that it costs more in oil to make biofuels from corn, and plastics from corn (because of the oil used in growing the corn) than it would just be to use the oil itself.

This morning I read about a fabulous new project, making bioplastic out of shrimp shells.  Which is actually a really good idea, except....

how are the shrimp raised?   Are they raised in one of these awful farms?   It is and it isn't helping solve the problem.  Because those shrimp farms are horrible for the environment in their own way.  

So you are still just exchanging one problem for another.

Do we need to do something?  Yes.

We need to clean up our act worldwide.

We need to cut down on our use of plastics in everything/for everything.

We need to find ways to recycle.

We need to cut down on our use of oil.

So yes, keep looking for bioplastics and biofuels, but also look at where the material is coming from.  Is it an abundant material because it comes from a fish farm?  Or an oil-heavy industry?

We need options.  We need more glass, stainless, etc.

We need more wooden toys for our kids.

We need options for the vegans, who don't want to wear leather.  "Vegan leather" is plastic (and one of the more toxic varieties, too).  

How much throwaway plastic will be generated this Mother's Day?  For each holiday, I see more and more plastic...  piles and piles and piles.

And we need to stop.  Stop buying the plastic.  The cellophane.  Buy a nice wicker basket.    Put some moss in it, with some flowers..  (and yes, the moss and the flowers will probably come in plastic...)

The plastic use has got to stop somewhere.  And it stops with each of us.  As we decide to use a reuseable container instead of a throwaway ziplock.

Why I do not have a problem with "Checking My Privilege".

I have privilege.  I'm not going to say I don't.  I look white and identify as such.   I am also Egyptian, and have experienced some things as a result of that.  Exoticism, for one.  Egyptian women are supposed to be mysterious, exotic creatures, in harem pants, smelling of exotic spices.

Yeah, right.   Leggings and soap here, people.

I'm pretty sure I'm on a list somewhere...  about a month after 9/11 I got the most detailed jury questionnaire that I have ever gotten.   Asking things that, really, they were not supposed to ask.   I wish I'd kept a copy as proof.   Things like what my religion was, etc.  And I remember commenting to my ex, as I filled it out, that they were checking up on the Arabs.

I later found out that my mother and sister, both with an addy in NYC, had also received something similar around that same time.

Anyway, to get back to the question of checking one's privilege.

To me, it does not mean that someone is accusing you of being descended from slaveowners.   Or that you've never experienced discrimination, or poverty, or hardship.

To me, it means, "stop and think about what you are saying".  It does not mean that your world-view is not valid.  It means that, here in the States, the easiest position is that of straight, white male.

You take two people with the exact same experience.  A middle-class upbringing.  Make one black, one white.  The white person has an automatic advantage in this society.  That is fact.

There is also intersectionality.   That means that there are different layers and types of privilege, and different people can be privileged in different ways.

To me, what people are saying when they say "check your privilege" is "you are not listening to what I am saying", basically.   They are asking you to listen to their lived experiences, and not diminish them by saying "that's not true" when you are, essentially, at the top of the pecking order.

I have been aware of being aware of the presence of black youths walking on the street.  And I hate that I have crossed the street on occasion.  Because I have read accounts of how much that hurts when people do it.

Awareness is part and parcel of checking my privilege.  Being aware of what I do, and how I react.  Even within the context of writing this post, I checked "wait, what am I saying, is there a better way to say this?".  When I wrote the phrase "pecking order", it was a replacement for another phrase.  

Checking privilege is just about being aware, being sensitive, and listening.  Which a lot of people don't seem to do anymore.  Be empathic, and compassionate, without being pitying or condescending.  It is about trying to make sure many people are heard, many narratives are heard.

And it is why I am friends with people of all stripes, all nationalities.  Because I want to hear their narratives.  (That being said, though, I am saddened at how much frustration and anger there is on both sides, left and right, gay and straight)  I wish we could find more things in common.

Still stuck. And feeling disenchanted.

I'm a creative person.  I'm a maker, a dreamer.  An artist.

But I am stuck.  Very very very stuck.   I just feel as if I have tried so many avenues in my life, and nothing has worked.

In MD I was a member of the Museum, went to all the singles things.   I took jewelry classes at the art school, took ceramics at Clayworks.  

I went to a couple of cons at various points in my life.   But they never clicked.  Probably because the first one I went to, I was dropped in the deep end, literally.   GLUG.   The next few were with my ex, who was basically UGH.   I might fit the con world if I had a room to go back to and someone to hang out with.  I don't know.

I've tried the pagan community, I've tried the Church community, nothing fit.   I've TRIED.  I'm too straight for the pagans, too warped for the Catholics.

I don't really fit in here in suburbia either.   And as someone with money, I just feel, particularly since the person I trusted told me that he was jealous of my money...  I feel alone.  I just feel that people are just interested in my money, and not me.

I'm greying, homely, and a little unconventional.  

I'm gluten-free, so can't even go out to eat with people.  

I never had kids, that's not likely to happen now...

And I just have given up.

I've tried theater, the theater I got involved with just wanted me to pay for everything.

I've tried volunteering different places.  I don't like the idea of volunteering at a soup kitchen to help "the poor" because it smacks of condescension to me.  

I need to find my people, somehow.   I need to find my space.  A nurturing, creative space.  

I'm never going to find love, I'm not sure it exists.    Although I wouldn't mind having sex again in my lifetime before I get too saggy and baggy.

I just want to find somewhere I am valued and appreciated.  Where I'm not just seen as the CCD lady.  Because I may have taught CCD, but never taught the older kids because I could never teach what I consider hate.  Even if it is the Church's creed.  It sticks in my craw.

Everyone else in my family is moving forward, moving on, and I can't seem to even buy a car for myself.

I give up.  I have given up.   I need to find a new direction, but I don't know where to go, where to look.

Giving up on Christmas.

There are times when traditions no longer matter.  When you are the only one doing them, and the only one seeing them, it is no longer worth it.    Yes, I have officially given up on Christmas.   It would have been different had I ever had kids.   I remember the magic from when I was a child.  

But with no-one to shop for...  it isn't worth it.  And all that going to Christmas events does for me is just make me more depressed about coming home to an empty house.

I do play carols and have a creche out.  But that is it.    No tree, no cookies, no treats, no gifts.  And that is fine.  

It really is.  

Race in the media...

So, I have thought a lot about the portrayal of "other" in various media.  And, right now, we don't have a lot of positive images out there.  In full disclosure, I'm writing this as a white woman.  But when most of the books for/about African-American kids involve the Harlem choir, or MLK, or slavery, then THAT is a problem.  When there are no positive tv shows showing a regular black family, or anything other than the token black teenager...  That is a problem.  Even in adult books or magazines...or even the news! (Granted, I have other problems with the news).

But this is something that needs to be fixed!  Not in a divisive manner, I have a friend who says that skin color shouldn't matter.  No, it shouldn't , and to me, it doesn't, but I also think that the only way it truly will not matter is by representing everyone, and having real integration.  How we achieve that, I don't know, because we have become so divided in many ways, and there is no one quick and easy fix.