Singledom is wonderful

The things I like about being single:

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to worry about someone else's needs. I can have the house decorated the way I want it. I can eat what I want, when I want... I can go out at night, not have to account for my every move (although its amazing how people watch you in this town...sometimes I feel that I have people watching what I buy at the grocery store!!!!)

I can watch junky movies, kiddie movies, chick flicks. Without people making comment about 'eeew'.

No, now that I really have been thinking about it, I don't want people setting me up, I'm not looking at people and sussing up if they are single or not. It doesn't matter. Most of the single guys out there are creepy or gay anyway *shrug* (or both).

(I'm just a little annoyed, at work yesterday one of the patrons started saying she wants to see me coupled up this year, and that got my co-worker going. And IF I was dating someone, I wouldn't be broadcasting the information. IF I date, it is my own private business. And I don't care if everyone else in the world is coupled up...if God wants me to meet someone She will drop him in my lap, so please, if you are reading this, leave it up to the Big Gal in the Sky).

Swinging in the wind....

I keep going back and forth between feeling ok with myself and feeling FAT. Today, I feel FAT. FAT FAT FAT. I know I was once a lot fatter, but the thing is, when its yourself, you don't really 'see' it. Particularly if you have trouble with it.

When I was younger, I was thin, but felt fat. I just wish, so much, that somehow I'd gotten a better image of myself.... Right now, I think I could stand to lose at least 20 lbs. But I just don't have a good sense of myself. And yet somehow I also do. Its odd, its one of those things I struggle with...

And I know no man will find me attractive unless I like myself. But I HATE clothes, I hate clothes shopping (I actually know what kinds of things look good on me, but finding them...whole other matter).

*sigh*

I just wish there were reasonable images out there... I don't need to compare myself to 15 y-o girls, but there are no reasonable images of adult women out there.

I think maybe that's why I like Spanish movies so much (been on a bit of a kick recently). The women in them actually have some curves... they are real women.

I still feel I have a few too many curves, but that's my hangup. I just wish someone would make clothes to fit the curves... nicely.

When I wish upon a star...

I'm not wishing for much for the New Year. The loss of the last 20 lbs, peace between Israel and Palestine, a clean house, new friends...

Brotherhood, sisterhood, understanding... its a brand-new world out there.

I try to be optimistic, even though I am horribly saddened by some of the comments on the news stories. But I have to believe that there will be peace, that if enough people want it and speak up for it, that it will happen.

If you are a musician or an artist, speak up in your own way. Do a film, do a musical event, but get out there and do.

Even if its something for world peace, and not a specific area. Or some cause close to your heart..cancer, AIDS, hunger, the removal of factory farming. Let 2009 be the year where dreams come true, the year of speaking out.

AAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!

I am so annoyed. I keep looking for rechargeable hearingaid batteries. Today I actually spoke to a company that HAD them. HAD a kit. But they have sold out and discontinued the product.

*sigh*

I am so tired of hearingaid batteries piling up. Of them going dead on me and not having extras. Rechargeables would be so much simpler. One set in the aids, one set charging. So much less waste, so much less $$ down the drain, no batteries in landfills contaminating the groundwater.

And the rechargeable ones I find in the store are only the larger ones. The ones for toys, remotes, etc. Which are wonderful, but please, please, please, let me find rechargeable ones for my ears. Size 13, if you are wondering. (The batteries, not my ears...considering the rest of me is somewhat petite...)

What I love about working in a Library..

You find fascinating books when people return them...that's how I found BONK and The Wordy Shipmates, and Terry Pratchett's Nation. But not only that, people remind you of the authors you loved as a child, authors like Margery Sharp. Margery Sharp was the woman who wrote The Rescuers. The original book was much different than the Disney movie of the same name. The mice were the same, and they rescued a child, but the mechanics were very, very different. The book was much more dramatic, involving much more ingenuity...

But if this patron had not asked if I'd ever heard of Margery Sharp, I never would have remembered how passionate I was about her children's books. I remember that vividly now... I loved her books. And the minute I checked the library catalog it all came back to me... even the fact that she'd written adult books as well.

And upon further investigation, I find that there is a website, with picture. And she looks as you would expect an author to look. ...

I find it equally as thrilling to rediscover past loves in literature as I do to find new ones!

I'm dreaming of...

Prince Charming? A White Christmas?

I think we all get caught up in the craziness of this world that we stop dreaming. And yes, there is a difference between dreaming and coveting. (On a side note, try to explain 'covet thy neighbor's wife' to your CCD kids! GAAAAAH One of those 'Think fast on your feet' moments)

I have dreams... I'd like to become more of an actress, a singer. I'd like to have a solo someday, and I've started, hopefully, on that path. I have a small role in a play...

I'd like to do more ceramics, and be able to really come up with gorgeous things that make people say 'oooooh'. I'd like to make a little more money...

Of course I do covet things. I covet the body I used to have when I was a teenager. I would love to be a skinny minnie again... on reflection, however, I'm pretty happy with my life. You don't have to covet to have dreams and follow them. And that's the point that gets lost sometimes, particularly at Christmas.

Christmas is about hope, about dreams and love. But its become so commercialized that its become about greed and desire and coveting. There's always something bigger and better and new... and really, Christmas is about love, and showing love.

Thanks, coz.

My cousin sent me this:









Dear God:
The lady reading this
is beautiful, classy and
strong, and I love her.
Help her live her life to the fullest.
Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most,
and
let her know when she walks with you,
She will always be safe.


Love you
Now you're on the clock!!!!
In 9 minutes something will make you happy. ;-)
But you have to tell 9 sisters you love them, including me. Go!!!!







This is a beautiful thing.