Feeling alone.

I was involved, heavily involved, last year.   I was busy with the local community theatre, I was teaching CCD, I was in choir, doing ceramics...

This year, I have been stabbed in the back, the theatre owes me $500, and I've been pushed out the door.   I'm not able to teach CCD because of increased job responsibilities.  The choir no longer exists.

And I'm depressed.

I keep trying to get out there, put myself out there, and all that happens is that I get slapped down.

I don't have a support system.   I don't have anyone to rely on.  And I'm tired of it.

All I see is looking out to an empty life of just me, alone, growing old alone.


I'm tired of being alone.


I don't fit in.


I'm smart, cute, irreverent, well-read, artistic, loving.

I'm also snarky, sarcastic, frustrated, and like my space.

I'm not a bar-hopper, a drinker.  I'm not stunningly beautiful.

I'm tired.   I'm tired of not fitting in.   I've never fit in...


I've tried many different circles...  I've hung out with the geeks, I've hung out with the Catholics, I've hung out with the atheists.   I've hung out with poly and fen crowds, and theatre folks, and blue-collar folks.  I've hung out with upper-crust types.  I've hung out with folks from different countries.

And yet, still, at age 41, I stick out like a sore thumb.  

I'm a little bit hippie for my town, but not hippie enough for the hippies.  I'm artistic, but not enough for the artists....

I don't play politics.   I am just me.  I express my frustrations.   I'm honest, open, try to get along with people, try to keep my mouth shut when necessary...

I get behind on my house and yard....

I just feel like giving up.   I'm just lonely and overwhelmed.  And feeling friendless.