Pondering Pregnancy...

So, as you all know, I'm single. Quite so. And, unfortunately, I don't end up meeting nice straight, single guys. Its a fact. And I'm also, on the whole, fairly happy with my single life. The one thing I'd like, really, is to have a kid (or two...)

Yes, I know I can adopt. And I'm looking into that as well. But I'd rather have a kid of my own body and blood...if I still can.

This is really being triggered by a few things... a few people at work and church are pregnant, and I'm 39. I've thought about it for a while, but I'm really wanting this. Yes, I know that I won't really have time to blog or Internet with a kid. But I can give a kid so much... which is why I'm also looking at adopting. Because there are kids out there with nothing...

But trying to get pregnant without a physical man in the picture can be tricky. Sperm banks feel somewhat sleazy... I don't know if its the resemblance to dating sites, or the fact that they are paid to jack off...there's also the issue that you don't really have background on the guy, or even how many women have used the sperm. How many half-siblings are running around? And if its a local bank, this gets to be a bigger issue (inadvertent pun, sorry)...

But do you ask a friend for his sperm? How do you deal with the legal implications of that? Or the emotional implications? Because even if you are friends, completely platonic, (or he is gay) there is still an emotional aspect to fathering a child... and he will be watching the pregnancy happen... and if he is a good person, he'd feel an emotional responsibility, even if you both signed something absolving him.... but the advantage is that you'd know, or be able to ask about, any medical/family stuff...

My sister says she knows so many people who have given up and gone ahead with having a kid alone... I don't know, I want to have kids, but I almost wonder if going ahead would be, in a way, equivalent to giving up on meeting someone nice...

I regret my choice of 16 years ago so much. Damn. It felt necessary at the time, but if I'd only known....

Maybe I'm overthinking this...