Frustration.

I'm having one of those nights. I just want to walk out the door and just keep going. No-one would miss me. I've dabbled my life away, I have no kids, no accomplishments, I'm a freaking failure. My house feels like a giant white elephant tonight, I feel like its one step forward, two steps back. I'm FAT. And no-one is attracted to me. I just feel so damn alone. I can't rely on anyone.

I just really feel so frustrated. I'm no-one, going no-where. I just want friendship, companionship, and yet, here I am, 40 years old, rattling around in this house... alone.

Or I go up to the Lake and rattle around there... (although somehow I feel more lonely here).

And I can't seem to get anything done. Friends who i thought were going to help me have flaked out, and I can't even get my DEN finished.... I can't get a second estimate on the painting, I just feel stuck in damn Limbo.

GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.