On being single for the holidays....

*sigh*

I used to love Christmas. Part of me still does. I love the scents, the feel, having a fire blazing in the hearth, listening to Christmas carols, celebrating the joy of the season, wishing everyone Merry Christmas, or even Happy Holidays. I love eggnog.

But I know I'm going to wake up in an empty house Christmas Day. And I haven't been invited to any parties this year...I feel like I have the cooties. Particularly when I see pics on Facebook of other people having a blast. And it just hurts. I always thought I'd have met someone by this time. I always wanted to be able to have kids I could give Christmas to. That's looking less likely by the minute.

I'm so damn tired of being alone. Its better than being in a bad relationship, there's no question of that, but I wish, wish, WISH that I didn't feel so alone. That I felt like people liked me, for me. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I'm not a social butterfly, by any means.

I'm just lonely. And it becomes exacerbated by all the holiday stuff that emphasises being with someone... and knowing that this is another year where I'm just alone. And it won't be so bad Christmas morning. I'll call my parents in Canada, probably make some hot chocolate, curl up and listen to carols, maybe go to church...