The solo life...

and I'm not talking making the Kessel run. I'm a little tired of being single. Of having cooties. Of being alone. I'm good with people, but haven't been able to make a lot of friends. I just feel that my life has been so 'OTHER' sometimes it gets in the way. And yes, I know I'm whining a bit. Its just such a superficial society you don't get to know people anymore, and its just 'run to this', 'go to that'...

And yes, part of this dissatisfaction is just that I feel lonely. I'm tired, and yes, I could use some physical affection. Not to be crude or anything. But I want to meet someone I'm attracted to, who is attracted to me. I don't think I'm ugly, smell bad, or have cooties. No, I don't like to wear a bra (instrument of the devil).

But I just wonder, is it just going to get worse? Should I just face facts? Maybe I am deluding myself that I'm an attractive person. The thing is, I'm not looking *just* for physical affection. If I was I'd have run out and gotten a f***buddy. I want to be valued for who I am, for my brain, my personality, my likes and dislikes. I want a partner, someone who respects me.

I've never been good at playing games, and GOD I do NOT want any blind dates. Those are horrible. But damnit, I wish somehow I could meet someone.

I'm tired of having to be on my guard all the damn time. I can't let my hair down anywhere. I can't even get my crap back from people who call themselves my friend. I'm tired of all the talking behind my back, all the undercurrents, and politics. I'm not good at damn politics. Even in the church. Hypocritical people. I'm tired of small minds, small people, petty people. GAAAAH.

And i'm tired of never being 'good enough'.