The last week of 46...

So my birthday last year was horrible.  It was the day after the election.   And it was just soul-crushing.  Unfortunately, I've kind of given up on having a social life and a birthday party, because every time I try, just one or two people show up.  

Even at 46, soon to be 47, I'm still looking at my life, at the mistakes I've made.  And we've all made mistakes, its part of growing up.  And the best of us continue to grow as adults...  continue to evaluate who we are, etc.

I did make a mistake when I moved to Farmington and tried to make a fresh start.   Because I tried to do that in places where there really were not the spaces for me.  I'm not sure there are such spaces, but I think one of the things I may have to do is try and build them.   I got to know a lot of people peripherally.  

But.

So many buts.

And I can't believe I'm going to be 47!  In some ways, I still feel like I'm in my twenties.  And yet my grandmother was around my age when she became a grandmother...

In three years I will be 50.  Officially old.

And yet..

I still love looking up at the stars.

Reading a good book.

Dressing up for Halloween.

Hanging out with small kids.

Sci-fi.

Art.

Hugs.  (We all need more hugs)

Cooking.

Nature.

I'm aging, but not "gracefully" or traditionally.  I'm always going to be a bit of a wild woman, a hippie...  Somewhat opinionated.   ("Somewhat" she says). I was more blunt in college, and I'm going back to that, a little more, but without the blinders I had in college.

I'm hoping in the year of being 47 that I can become more authentically myself.  Finally.  That I can speak out for the more marginalized, and speak out for truth, for justice, for right, and for myself as well.

And who knows, maybe I will start actually getting a social life!

But no, no birthday party here...  maybe the Doctor will show up in her Tardis and whisk me off...

allons-y!